Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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