i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
