I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
