the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
