I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
