Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
