If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
