I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
