In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
