Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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