Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
