So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
