Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
