my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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