dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
