Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
