I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
