Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
