yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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