So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
nutella sex= disaster
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
