That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
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nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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