well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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