The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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