I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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