GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
