I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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