So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
