Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
