You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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