Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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