I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
