She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
True college students do jello shots in the library
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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