hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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