Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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