i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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