can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
