I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
