You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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