yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
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NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
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She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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