non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
