how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
