He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
