just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
