hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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