My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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