I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
