my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
