scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
