I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
