Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
