I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
