i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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