hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
