I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
