Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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