I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
