Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
