Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
