____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
