I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
