i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
