K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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