i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
