just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
