you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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