He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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