I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I want to have your abortion
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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