shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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