I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
