If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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