i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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