you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
