She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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