The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
