so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
