someone get that fucking seahorse.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
